When life is challenging, we can share kindness with the world.
Generating kindness and compassion during challenging times is a way to feel engaged in and supportive of the world. Helping others brings meaning to our lives and reminds us that we are all interconnected. Helping those in less fortunate circumstances opens our eyes to their struggles and brings perspective to our challenges. When we help others, we benefit society and ourselves. Tonglen is a compassionate meditation practice that awakens our potential for releasing suffering and seeking relief.
The word tonglen comes from the Tibetan language and translates as giving and taking. Tong means giving or sending, and len means receiving or taking. Pema Chödrön, an American-born Tibetan monk who is a Tonglen practitioner and teacher, explains that in tonglen practice, “we visualize taking in the pain of others with every in-breath and sending out whatever will benefit them on the out-breath.” Tonglen meditation uses visualization and the breath to transform negative energy using messages that generate peace; in the process, we feel love for ourselves and others.
Tonglen originated in India and was brought to Tibet around the 11th century. The practice originated to help those suffering from serious diseases so people might heal and continue to help others. Buddhist monks would practice Tonglen with the intention of releasing the suffering of others in their community and the world at large. “Usually, we look away when we see someone suffering. Their pain brings up our fear or anger and our resistance and confusion. So we can also do tonglen for all people just like ourselves—all those who wish to be compassionate but instead are afraid, who wish to be brave but are cowardly.” (Chödrön)
Tonglen is similar to Loving Kindness (Mettà) in that we use the transformative power of the heart to channel healing. Although the overall intention of these practices is similar, tonglen welcomes the feelings of suffering into our hearts. We feel the pain and sadness before guiding the heart to transform the pain into compassion and extend it outward into the world. Chödrön explains the compassion practice further: “Tonglen can be done for those who are ill, those who are dying or have died, or those who are in pain of any kind. It can be done as a formal meditation practice or right on the spot at any time. If we are out walking and we see someone in pain, we can breathe in that person’s pain and send out relief to them.”
Compassion is not the same as empathy. A working definition of compassion is “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.” A subtle difference is that empathy is the ability to understand another’s emotions, whereas, with compassion, we also desire to relieve their suffering.
The following short tonglen practice can be offered for those struggling with illness or emotional suffering. It can be done sitting in meditation or on the fly as we go about our day’s activities.
Tonglen practice for families and groups. Young children can be invited to draw during this practice and use their creativity to channel compassion.
- Sitting in stillness with eyes closed, we welcome compassion into our hearts. Generate open awareness as you watch the breath go in and out, inviting the desire to fully awaken to compassion. Bring your attention to the heart and welcome feelings of love – this could be a golden light, an image of the Buddha, or an overall feeling of warmth. You may also choose to place your hands on your heart.
- Visualization of a person’s suffering using the breath and sensations. Breathing in and out welcomes an awareness of your or someone else’s suffering. Name the suffering (sadness, grief, pain). See the situation in as much detail as you wish.
- Receiving and taking in suffering. Focus on the situation by seeing an image of the suffering. Use the in-breath to receive the image and transform it into something more positive on the out-breath. You may try using smoke changing into a healing white light. You can also see the person in pain and visualize their face turning into a smile. As you do this, recite several times: May this pain and suffering be released.
- Expand compassion by extending it to all who are in the same situation. Using the same in-and-out-breath practice described above, visualize and welcome an awareness of all who feel the same suffering. On each out-breath, offer them the mantra: May this pain and suffering be released.
Conclusion of the practice: Sit in silence for several more breaths, enjoying the feeling of release and transformation. Recite the final mantra: May all beings be well and live with ease. When ready, open your eyes slowly, bringing awareness back to your environment and noticing your surroundings.
Anne-Marie Emanuelli is the founder and Creative Director at Mindful Frontiers LLC. Mindful Frontiers is a Benefit Corporation (BCorp) based in Taos, New Mexico, dedicated to promoting community wellness through mindfulness. We offer schools and organizations a variety of mindfulness & meditation tools designed to support and nurture individuals and groups with positive social-emotional growth. Our mission is to “welcome a mindful future, one present moment at a time,” guiding people towards greater awareness, emotional balance, and a deeper connection with themselves and others. Anne-Marie is a certified meditation leader and a certified labyrinth facilitator. Featured practices can be found on the Insight Timer app. Our website is MindfulFrontiers.net.
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