Motherhood Memories & Meditation

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Mother’s Day meditation reflections for May 10, 2020.

Marielle is 15 1/2 and I’ve been a mother for 16.  My heart is full of gratitude for this Mother’s Day.

My personal path to motherhood started around 2001 when I learned that I had a lot of uterine fibroids that were making conception difficult. I bled so much each month that I became critically anemic. By 2002, I was so sick and weak that one day I ended up in the emergency room because of excruciatingly painful cramps. I was told my blood test showed I was critically anemic and was offered a blood transfusion that I didn’t accept. The GYN doctor gave me a form to fill out accepting a hysterectomy. After refusing, she suggested I read “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” by Dr. Christiane Northrup. The book saved my life!

Meanwhile, I joined a Yahoo community on “uterine fibroids” and met many women living around the world dealing with this female issue. We communicated with each other and shared experiences and advice. Along with the WBWW book, this online community was a great support. The WBWW book also pointed me in the direction of Caroline Myss’ book “Spirit Anatomy”. This resource helped me learn about spiritual healing, personal body communication, and eventually helped me decide when I was ready for medical intervention.

After lots of prayers, ceremony, reflection, meditation & research on the different kinds of fibroid surgery, I chose a couple I wanted to explore that would retain my womb. Then, I sent out 40 letters to doctors in my insurance network and waited for responses. Two doctors responded and I chose Dr. Lynore Martinez of Santa Fe OB/GYN. She looked me straight in the eye and told me she would remove the fibroids without jeopardizing fertility. During surgery, she removed 16 fibroids of varying sizes and reconstructed my womb.

One and a half years later I conceived and became a mother. What a thrilling joy and blessing that was. For the entire pregnancy, I swam and exercises and had the most healthy 9 months. When I arrived at the hospital for the planned c-section, I was tanned and toned and at peek health. Marielle was born full-term but before labor could start because Dr. Martinez said there weren’t enough women who had gone through natural childbirth after uterine reconstructive surgery for it to be considered safe.

Today, 16 years after my first Mother’s Day, I am grateful for the beautiful and sensitive daughter my husband and I are blessed with. Even as we navigate her teenage topsy turvy chapter, we are grateful she was brought to our life. As we live through the 2020 Covid19 pandemic and spend 24 hours together, I am mindful of daily family blessings. This year’s Mother’s Day will be special because it is so different from any other. We’re confined to our home. There won’t be a celebratory dinner in a restaurant. There won’t be a family hike with a picnic. We’ll just be home with the food in the pantry and will make it special just as it is. Plus, it’s my husband’s birthday this year as he was born on May 10. Every so often these two special days fall on the same day. It really feels intensely special this year.

Happy day to mothers, grandmothers, and caregivers who serve as mothers.

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