Finding balance through the practice of equanimity
Do you know someone who always seems calm and steady—someone who handles difficult situations without becoming overwhelmed or anxious? You might wonder how they manage to remain balanced when life becomes challenging. Often, people like this have learned that reacting impulsively rarely helps. Instead, they recognize that a more balanced life comes from accepting experiences as they are.
In contemplative traditions, the Brahmaviharas, or “sublime attitudes,” are four practices that cultivate emotional balance and compassion in a busy world. Also known as the four divine abodes, they include loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), sympathetic joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha). Practicing these qualities can reduce personal suffering and strengthen relationships.
During times of challenge, the fourth Brahmavihara, equanimity, offers guidance for navigating the many emotions that arise in an unpredictable world.
Although widely associated with Buddhism, the Brahmaviharas also have roots in earlier Indian contemplative traditions, where they were described as ways of developing boundless attitudes of goodwill toward all beings. Their purpose is simple yet profound: to help us cultivate a mind that responds to life with openness, care, and steadiness.
During times of challenge, the Brahmaviharas offer guidance for navigating the many emotions that arise in an unpredictable world. The fourth quality, equanimity, is considered the culmination of these attitudes. It provides an inner refuge that allows us to meet life with flexibility and acceptance rather than reactivity.
Meditation teacher Tara Brach, who blends Western psychology with Eastern contemplative practices, writes, “If we want to bring our intelligence, creativity, and love into our relationships and world, we need to be able to access an inner refuge of presence.” When life feels overwhelming, a helpful antidote is a mindful pause. Taking a few slow breaths, noticing sensations in the body, and observing what is happening around us can help center us in the present moment.
Within that pause lies equanimity. It is where balance and spaciousness arise, allowing us to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically. Equanimity helps us remain aware of what is happening without becoming swept away by strong emotions. Even a brief moment of presence can ground us and help our emotions settle into a calmer state.
When I think of someone who embodies equanimity, I imagine a wise elder or grandparent. Having lived through many experiences, they often learn not to become caught up in the ups and downs of life. This quality is beautifully illustrated in a well-known Chinese story sometimes called “Good Luck, Bad Luck—Who Knows?”
In the story, a farmer uses an old horse to plow his fields. One day the horse runs away into the hills. The neighbors come to offer sympathy for the farmer’s misfortune, but he simply replies, “Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?”
A week later, the horse returns with a herd of wild horses. The neighbors congratulate the farmer on his good fortune. Again he responds, “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?”
Later, the farmer’s son tries to tame one of the wild horses and falls, breaking his leg. The neighbors again see this as terrible misfortune. The farmer’s response remains the same: “Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?”
Soon afterward, the army arrives in the village and drafts every able-bodied young man into service. When they see the farmer’s son with his broken leg, they leave him behind.
Was it good luck or bad luck? Who knows?
The farmer’s calm response reflects the essence of equanimity. What appears fortunate or unfortunate in the moment may reveal itself differently over time. Our judgments are often shaped by perspective and limited information. Equanimity invites us to hold life’s events with greater openness and curiosity.
The encouraging news is that equanimity can be cultivated at any age. In upekkha meditation, we practice observing our thoughts and emotions with mindfulness. A helpful phrase for this practice might be, “Am I sure?”—or, like the farmer in the story, “Who knows?”
When we find ourselves caught in worry or fear, we can pause, take a few slow breaths, notice the sensations in the body, and gently question the certainty of our assumptions. This simple practice helps calm the nervous system and creates space for greater clarity. Instead of being swept away by anxious stories, we remain grounded in the present moment and more open to life as it unfolds.
For those interested in exploring meditation in community, I will be offering an eight-week meditation course at the Taos Public Library beginning Wednesday, March 11, from noon to 1 p.m. The class is offered freely and will introduce accessible mindfulness and meditation practices designed to cultivate calm, clarity, and emotional balance in everyday life.
For individuals and families seeking additional support in bringing mindfulness and meditation into daily life, Mindful Frontiers offers online courses, guided audio meditations, and custom workshops that nurture inner peace, emotional resilience, and overall well-being.
Anne-Marie Emanuelli is the founder and Creative Director of Mindful Frontiers LLC, a Taos-based B-Corp dedicated to community wellness through meditation. A certified meditation leader and labyrinth facilitator with more than 25 years of personal practice, she offers accessible mindfulness tools that support emotional well-being and social-emotional growth. Mindful Frontiers is available on Insight Timer app, YouTube, at MindfulFrontiers.net and on Linktree.
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