Building resilience and meaningful relationships with others and ourselves.
“Your heart was made for love: for connection, belonging, and meaningful relationship with other people, beings, and the earth.”
Oren Jay Sofer Your Heart Was Made For This
In the recently published book entitled Your Heart Was Made For This, Oren Jay Sofer expounds on the power of the heart to meet a world in crisis. An important premise in his book is that “whatever the mind frequently thinks upon and ponders, that will become its inclination.” Where we place our mind’s attention is where our personal character and habits of thought will gravitate, much like a rut in the road that grabs us. This is part of the concept of “neuroplasticity” which basically means that our brains are malleable (adults as well as youth) and we can change how we think and act throughout our lives with intention, purpose, and practice. Sofer further explains that “If we do not shape the heart, the world will do it for us, and the world does not have our highest welfare in mind.”
One of my favorite meditation practices is Tonglen. The word tonglen comes from the Tibetan language and translates as giving and taking. Tong means giving or sending, and len means receiving or taking. Tonglen is similar to Loving Kindness (Mettà) in that we are using the transformative power of the heart to channel compassion. We acknowledge the suffering of the world and its beings and then visualize the suffering being transformed in the heart into compassion and then release it outward with intention, on an out-breath, for the betterment of the world.
Heart-based meditation practices such as tonglen and mettà are healthy ways to channel compassion into the world and our own lives. Focussing on the breath going in and out of the heart center is where we start this transforming process. One of the most powerful daily mindfulness practices is to watch where we place our mental attention as we go about our day. Taking a break from scrolling on an electronic device to sit in meditation is a valuable activity that shifts our focus from the external world to our internal environment and helps us notice what our mind is doing. Noticing what we are thinking or ruminating about, and then redirecting our focus back to the body and the breath is a liberating way to change the way our brains control and create ruts of behavior. It is worthwhile to take time to contemplate conscious attention throughout the day as we go about our lives as well as when sitting in meditation. This kind of attention is called heart-mind awareness. Setting aside five to 10 minutes a day to do a heart-mind meditation practice is a healthy way to nourish wise attention and encourage a shift in our mind’s behavior.
This month I invite you to do a short tonglen practice that can be offered for those who are ill, dying, or passed on, or people we know (or don’t know) who are in pain of any kind. This can also be an on-the-fly practice in which we send compassion to people we encounter throughout the day, offering heartfelt intentions of wellness and ease.
Tonglen practice for families and groups.
Note: Young children can be invited to draw during this practice and use their creativity to channel compassion.
- Sitting in stillness with eyes closed. Begin by breathing in and out, noticing where the breath is the clearest in the body, and then bring your attention to the heart. Welcome feelings of kindness – this could be a golden light, an image of the Buddha or personal deity, or just an overall feeling of warmth. You may also choose to place your hands on your heart.
- Visualization of a person’s suffering using the breath and sensations. Breathing in and out welcomes an awareness of your or someone else’s suffering. Name the suffering (sadness, grief, pain). See the situation in your heart-mind just as it is.
- Receiving and taking in suffering. Focus on the situation by seeing an image of the suffering. Use the in-breath to receive the image and with the out-breath, transform it into something more positive. You may try using smoke that changes into white light. You can also see the person as being in pain and then visualize their face turning into a smile. As you do this, recite several times: May this pain and suffering be released.
- Expanding compassion outward by extending it to all who are suffering. Using the same in-and-out breath process described above, visualize and welcome an awareness of a world that is suffering. On each out-breath offer the mantra to the world: May this pain and suffering be released.
Conclusion of the practice. Sit in silence for several more breaths, enjoying the feeling of release and transformation. Conclude with a final recitation of the mantra: May all beings be well and live with ease. When ready, open your eyes slowly, shifting your attention to your body and then to the space you’re in by noticing some objects around you.
Originally published, December 13, 2023 in The Taos News
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Anne-Marie Emanuelli is the founder and Creative Director at Mindful Frontiers LLC, a Benefit Corporation committed to Community Wellness through the practice of meditation. With over two decades of meditation experience, Anne-Marie leads meditation workshops and provides coaching for children, families, individuals, groups, and classrooms. She is a certified meditation leader as well as a certified labyrinth facilitator. A full audio version of featured practices can be heard on the Welcoming a Mindful Future podcast. Our website can be accessed at MindfulFrontiers.net.
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